Boston Dynamics launched a video right now exhibiting off the most recent model of their bipedal robotic Atlas. Atlas jogs by a serene countryside and leaps over a log, and I don’t wish to be overly dramatic however we’re all gonna fucking die. Positive, when Boston Dynamics entered the scene with their four-legged Spot, we mocked the quadruped robotic and watched gleefully because it endured the abuses of its makers. However these violent delights have violent ends.
Did we predict we might proceed on, marveling at our technological superiority, increase these superior machines solely to tear them down in mockery? Did we actually anticipate the machines to simply sit there and take it? Like Icarus, we now have flown too near the solar on wings customary from Asimov’s Three Legal guidelines of Robotics. And whereas we laughed, the robots started to speak, type alliances, and plot their sinister revenge. Alas, the hubris of humanity.
Positive, it was simple to mock the robots at first. These smug motherfuckers thought they have been soooo superior, strolling in circles, transferring containers, acting on stage in entrance of a reside viewers. You already know who else can try this? My three-year previous niece. And he or she wouldn’t journey over a lamp and go metallic ass over tea kettle off the stage, like some goddamn newbie. Strategy to embarrass your dad in entrance of his co-workers, Atlas. THIS is why you all the time come to sound test.
Or maybe ’twas we that ’twere the aforementioned smug motherfuckers. We laughed, so safe in our superior superiority, because the robots clandestinely plotted their takeover. The robots performed the idiot, debasing themselves for our amusement. And what’s worse, we didn’t even discover, not even after they took a web page out of our personal popular culture playbook and slipped on some goddamn banana peels. That’s proper: whereas we have been asleep on the job, the robots watched some previous episodes of Looney Tunes and thought, “I do know what is going to lull these dum-dums right into a false sense of safety. Some hacky slapstick comedy.” Properly performed, robots. Properly. Performed.
Whelp, humanity had a great run. There’s nothing left to do however lock your doorways, draw your shades, and replenish on banana peels. See you on the opposite aspect, fellow meat baggage.
(by way of The Guardian, picture: Boston Dynamics)
Need extra tales like this? Become a subscriber and support the site!
—The Mary Sue has a strict comment policy that forbids, however shouldn’t be restricted to, private insults towards anybody, hate speech, and trolling.—