Sex That Works: Learning to Feel

“To be able to transfer on, you will need to perceive why you felt what you probably did and why you not must really feel it.”  -Mitch Albom It was virtually a yr in the past that I obtained phrase that my guide, Intercourse that Works, was accepted for publication by Sounds True. Initially, I had supplied that the subtitle of the guide must be […]

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The NYPD Has Opened An Investigation Into Russell Simmons Amid Sex Assault Allegations

Russell Simmons speaks at a information convention in 2006.

Dima Gavrysh / AP

Ten extra ladies have come ahead with allegations that music mogul Russell Simmons raped or sexually harassed them in experiences printed Wednesday by the New York Times and Los Angeles Times.

The New York Police Division has since beginning trying into the allegations, Sgt. Brendan Ryan confirmed Thursday. One of many alleged victims additionally informed BuzzFeed Information she had been contacted by police investigators.

“Russell Simmons totally helps and can cooperate with the police inquiry and is assured of a swift decision,” his lawyer Brad D. Rose informed BuzzFeed Information. Simmons additionally participated in a polygraph check and the outcomes shall be launched sooner or later, based on a supply.

Police in Los Angeles and Seattle, the place different alleged assaults and harassment occurred, informed BuzzFeed Information they haven’t any energetic investigation into the matter.

4 of the ladies spoke on the report with the New York Occasions, emboldened, they stated, by the ocean change in how victims' tales have been handled within the wake of allegations in opposition to disgraced Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein and different high-profile males in leisure and different industries. Three of the 4 ladies who spoke to the Occasions stated Simmons raped them after exhibiting sexually violent and abusive habits.

Others stated they made the choice to return ahead after studying Simmons' denials of earlier allegations, together with these made by mannequin Keri Claussen Khalighi, who told the Los Angeles Times in November that Simmons assaulted her after he and movie director Brett Ratner took her again to the music mogul's house below the guise of displaying her a music video they have been engaged on. In a guest column for the Hollywood Reporter final month, screenwriter Jenny Lumet additionally accused Simmons of raping her in 1991.

Mike D of the Beastie Boys (proper) with Russell Simmons in London in 1987.


Taken collectively, the allegations date from the early 1980s, when Simmons was cementing his standing as an elder statesman of hip-hop by way of Def Jam information, to only a few years in the past.

Following the allegations by Lumet and Khalighi, Simmons, now 60, introduced that he was stepping down from his business empire, together with his yoga enterprise Tantric, in order to not function a distraction.

However on Wednesday after the experiences by the LA Occasions and New York Occasions have been printed, Simmons issued a way more strongly worded assertion denying the accusations.

“I vehemently deny all these allegations. These horrific accusations have shocked me to my core and all of my relations have been consensual,” he stated. “I’ve monumental respect for the ladies's motion worldwide and their wrestle for respect, dignity, equality and energy.”

Allegations of rape

Drew Dixon informed the New York Occasions she was working as an government at Def Jam Recordings in 1995 when Simmons began to be sexually abusive towards her. Dixon, who was 24 on the time, tried to stave off the harassment till later that yr, when she stated Simmons raped her in his Manhattan house.

She give up her place at Def Jam quickly after.

“I used to be damaged,” she informed the New York Occasions.

Toni Sallie was a 28-year-old music journalist for the commerce journal Black Radio Unique when she met Simmons whereas on task in 1987. After a couple of dates, their relationship didn't work out, she stated, however they remained in contact and one evening the next yr, Simmons invited her to a celebration at his house.

When she arrived, nonetheless, she found they have been alone. She informed the Occasions that whereas giving her a tour of the house, Simmons threw her on a mattress and raped her.

Tina Baker, a singer on the time, was additionally allegedly attacked after agreeing to return to Simmons' house within the early 1990s. As soon as inside, she informed the Occasions, he pinned her down and raped her.

“I did nothing,” she stated. “I shut my eyes and waited for it to finish.”

Sherri Hines, a member of hip-hop group Mercedes Women who glided by the stage title Sheri Sher when she encountered Simmons in 1983, informed the LA Occasions that the music mogul raped her in his workplace after operating into her at nightclub when she was simply 17 or 18 years outdated.

After sitting down on a sofa, she stated, he pinned her down and raped her regardless of her makes an attempt to battle him off.

“I left crying,” she informed the paper.

Entertainer Will Smith palms Russell Simmons' head in the course of the Supply Awards in Hollywood in 1999.

Kevork Djansezian / Related Press

Allegations of sexual harassment and different misconduct

Different ladies who spoke out relayed tales of alleged misconduct by Simmons, starting from an assault inside a nightclub lavatory to utilizing his place at Tantric yoga studios to strain instructors and members into sexually inappropriate conditions.

The ladies additionally spoke about having to take care of sexually vulgar and suggestive language, or be on fixed look ahead to the subsequent aggressive transfer.

In a single alleged case, Erin Beattie, a therapeutic massage therapist, was 24 when she was booked for an in-room therapeutic massage on the Alexis Lodge in 2005 with Simmons. She informed the LA Occasions that midway by way of the session, Simmons eliminated his sheet and uncovered his penis.

“He was like, ‘Do you need to work this out?’” she recalled. Beattie informed the paper that she stayed within the room solely after Simmons agreed to no sexual contact.

Publicist Kelly Cutrone, who has had visitor spots on actuality TV, additionally told Page Six that Simmons tried to rape her in 1991.

“He pushed me into his house after which he threw me down on the ground and actually tried to seize…take my garments off of me,” Cutrone stated. “And I began kicking him actually, actually onerous, screaming, telling him to get the fuck off of me.

Worry of reprisal

In every of the instances reported Wednesday, the ladies confided in individuals of their interior circle on the time concerning the alleged assaults, together with buddies and a therapist, who then corroborated what they’d been informed to each information organizations.

Russell Simmons on the 2012 Inexperienced Competition in New York Metropolis.

Mediapunch Inc. / MediaPunch Inc./MediaPunch/IPx

Again and again, the ladies stated they’d waited so a few years to return ahead out of concern of retaliation, notably given Simmons' place atop an enormous empire of manufacturing, trend, and life-style enterprise ventures.

“I didn’t need to reduce off my one conduit to having any hope of a profession,” Dixon, the previous Def Jam music exec, informed the New York Occasions.

Hines even based mostly an encounter in her novel Mercedes Women on the alleged rape, however was too scared to determine Simmons by title, as a substitute referring to him as a robust businessman named “Ron.”

BuzzFeed Information reached out to a number of ladies named in each experiences, together with Beattie, Sallie, and Dixon, in addition to to the native authorities the place the alleged assaults occurred.

Simmons' response

The music mogul has denied the entire allegations of misconduct in opposition to him thus far. In some instances, he has acknowledged some type of relationship with the ladies, however insisted that at no time did he have interaction in nonconsensual sexual conduct.

Right here is his full assertion launched on Wednesday:

I vehemently deny all these allegations. These horrific accusations have shocked me to my core and all of my relations have been consensual.

I’m blessed to have shared extraordinary relationships, whether or not by way of work or love, with many nice ladies; and I’ve monumental respect for the ladies’s motion worldwide and their wrestle for respect, dignity, equality and energy. I’m devastated by any motive I’ll have given to anybody to say or consider me within the methods which might be at the moment being described. In current weeks, some former enterprise, inventive and romantic companions have aired grievances as claims I categorically reject. In a few of these situations, monetary motives and direct contradictory witness testimony has been equipped to the media, which has been utterly unnoticed of tales. In the previous few days, one girl tried to extort me for $500,000 solely to recant her ridiculous declare. The present allegations despatched to me by the New York Occasions and Los Angeles Occasions vary from the patently unfaithful to the frivolous and hurtful. The presumption of harmless till confirmed responsible should not get replaced by “Responsible by Accusation.”

I’ve already apologized for the situations of thoughtlessness in my consensual relations. I’ve separated myself from my companies and charities with a view to not change into a distraction. I’ve re-dedicated myself to religious studying, therapeutic and dealing on behalf of the communities to which I’ve devoted my life. I’ve accepted that I can and may get filth on my sleeves if it means witnessing the delivery of a brand new consciousness about ladies. What I can’t settle for is duty for what I’ve not achieved. I’ve performed my life with a message of peace and love. Though I’ve been candid about how I’ve lived in books and interviews detailing my flaws, I’ll relentlessly battle in opposition to any untruthful character assassination that paints me as a person of violence.

LINK: Music Mogul Russell Simmons Is Stepping Down Amid Allegations Of Sexual Assault

LINK: Russell Simmons Accused Of Sexually Assaulting A 17-Year-Old Model In 1991

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4 Tips on How Weed Can Take Both Your Relationship and Sex Life to the Next Level

Weed has the flexibility to intensify your senses: music sounds higher, meals tastes unimaginable, and contact . . . now, that is subsequent degree. However on high of creating intercourse really feel mind-blowing, marijuana may also improve your relationship exterior the bed room. I spoke with Libby Cooper, inventive director of weed supply app Eaze, about the best methods to include hashish into your love life, and she or he provided some superior suggestions in addition to particular product suggestions beneath.

On resparking your relationship

I requested for some shocking methods can use weed collectively, and Libby defined how you may each be capable to get pleasure from greater than only a excessive. Say you come residence after a protracted day at work and intimacy is the very last thing in your thoughts. Your companion is on the identical web page after coping with a worrying day his/herself, and high quality time kind of falls by the wayside as you each get caught on this routine.

“Imagine it or not, marijuana can reignite particular time collectively,” Libby advised us. “Marijuana can assist loosen up your thoughts and physique after a day on the workplace, uplift your temper, and make you extra current within the present second. When shared collectively, consuming marijuana can turn into a enjoyable ritual in itself. Whether or not it’s rolling a joint after which standing in your roof collectively to smoke it or slicing a gummy in half and cheekily popping it in your mouths, marijuana could make a night particular.”

On making date night time enjoyable

There are numerous strains of weed and methods of ingesting it for various conditions. For those who’re considering a lazy night time in, go for an indica pressure (for full-body leisure). For those who’re trying to watch a film or do one thing energetic, for instance, a sativa can be extra becoming.

“Sativa strains are energetic and result in wonderful, lengthy conversations,” Libby stated. “It is an effective way to tune into your companion.”

Nearly any activity is more fun when high. Libby’s private favourite is to prepare dinner dinner together with her companion and smoke a sativa joint proper earlier than the meals is prepared.

On marijuana as an aphrodisiac

Along with enhancing date night time, weed permits for particular moments within the bed room, as nicely. Calmness, leisure, elevated arousal, and better blood flow are all potential unwanted effects of ingesting marijuana, which may result in higher intercourse.

“Marijuana heightens your senses, and similar to having fun with your dinner and dialog extra, it makes contact that rather more thrilling,” Libby stated. “Excellent for each newer flings and long-term relationships, consuming marijuana earlier than being intimate will make the intercourse – how can I say this? – actually, actually goddamn unimaginable!”

An vital factor to notice, nonetheless, is that there’ll probably be a trial interval. Whenever you’re too stoned, you possibly can burst into giggles in the midst of intercourse, be too sleepy, or – for women – even find yourself reaching the purpose of genital numbness (it’s going to nonetheless really feel nice, nevertheless it may take you a large number longer to orgasm). And keep in mind to drink a whole lot of water! Having cottonmouth whereas making out is the worst. Libby stated it is all about beginning off sluggish when it comes to each the quantity you devour and the depth of contact.

“I like to recommend enjoying round with completely different strains and consumption strategies to see what works finest for you and your companion,” Libby stated. “I want staying away from edibles for intimacy as a result of you do not know in case your metabolism is identical velocity as your companions. Vapes and prerolls are an effective way to share a second after which have virtually fast suggestions on the way it made you are feeling.”

On the perfect strains and merchandise for optimum arousal

Have enjoyable determining what works finest for you and your important different. You could discover that you simply two want topicals over smoking, vaping over edibles, and so forth. Listed below are some recommendations from Libby so that you can strive tonight in your legalized state (or with a medical-marijuana card).

  • Flower: “I really like Sour Diesel flower for rolling my very own joints. Bitter Diesel is a inventive, pleased, and euphoric sativa. It makes all the pieces really feel unimaginable, offers a pleasant enhance of confidence, and would not make you sleepy!”
  • Prerolls: “Nothing is sexier than Fortunate420’s branding, and their sativa prerolls are actually groovy. I really like lounging round in a silk gown, feeling glamorous with my companion and these prerolls.”
  • Vapes: “If you’re enthusiastic about vaping, I actually like the brand new Aura CBD Glow (three:1 THC to CBD) cartridge for a light-weight excessive. The three-to-one ratio is ideal for a refined feeling that minimally impacts your psychological state however undoubtedly makes your physique really feel oh-so-good. Glow accommodates extra CBD than THC, which is a identified anti-inflammatory. As somebody with tummy points, I exploit CBD to get my physique feeling nice, so the one factor on my thoughts is my companion, as a substitute of ache.”
  • Topicals: “It’s extremely enjoyable and intimate to share a shower collectively. I really like an excellent two-person tub with Om Edibles Lavender Salt Mineral Soak a minimum of as soon as every week!”
  • Edibles:Ritual Anytime CBD Drops (1:1) are most likely my favourite technique of consumption within the ‘edibles’ division since you solely need to take just a few drops, and candy and spicy cinnamon taste is attractive in itself. As I stated above, I do not love edibles for stoned intercourse, however what’s nice about these drops is that they’re absorbed by your physique sublingually, which implies you are feeling nice, quick. The one-to-one ratio of THC to CBD is very nice and never overwhelming in comparison with pure THC edibles.”

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14 Sex Horror Stories That’ll Make You Clutch Your Hair And Never Let Go

“One time my husband’s tongue ring obtained caught in my asshole hair. I shave every thing now.”

“My boyfriend and I have been getting busy doggy-style when he began pulling on my very, very lengthy ponytail. Properly he was pulling it so exhausting that he ended up pushing the top of my ponytail within me together with his penis. He stopped pulling so exhausting after that, however as soon as we have been completed he ended up pulling a complete strand of hair out of my vagina! Tremendous gross.”

Hyper RPG / Through

One time my husband’s tongue ring obtained caught in my asshole hair. I shave every thing now.”

“My school boyfriend and I had determined to remain in a resort for a romantic night. We have been cuddled up within the bathtub, surrounded by candles. However the temper was ruined fairly shortly after MY HAIR CAUGHT ON FIRE! In the event you’ve by no means smelled burnt hair, contemplate your self fortunate. Each the stench and my charred ends put a damper on issues, however as two attractive school youngsters, it didn’t cease us for lengthy!”

“Me and my then boyfriend had lit some candles to set the temper. However then whereas he was on prime, his lengthy lovely hair obtained close to one of many flames and began to burn! It wasn't as unhealthy as it’d sound—he wasn't damage and solely misplaced solely a small strand of hair. However the temper was ruined.”

CBS / Through

“I used to be on prime and my hair was dangling in his face. He took a deep breath and inhaled my hair. He nearly threw up as I pulled it out of this throat! Oops.”
Brittany Hickey

“I used to be a excessive schooler about to have intercourse for the primary time. After taking place on the man a couple of occasions, a few of his pubes obtained caught in my braces and I ripped them out! Evidently, it took a very long time for him to get going once more.”

Oxygen / Through

“It was my freshman yr and I used to be within the dorms hooking up with a man on the underside of a bunk mattress. Issues have been getting sizzling and heavy, so I put my hair up in a messy bun. At one level, we switched positions, in order that I used to be on prime. That's when my bun obtained tangled within the springs beneath the highest bunk! We ended up having to name my roommate to come back again to the room and assist detangle my hair and free me.”

“Sooner or later my pubic hair began itching actually badly. Fearing that I had crabs, I went to the physician who instructed me I had lice down there. Afterward, my girlfriend instructed me she had head lice! We found out that I obtained it from her giving me a laying-down blowjob.”

USA Community / Through

“Generally I’ll transfer my hair out of my face by flipping my head again or to the facet. That being mentioned, one time my husband and I have been getting it on and he was behind me. Out of behavior, I flipped my hair again and ended up slamming my head immediately into his nostril. Belief me once I say it was an immediate temper killer.”

“This story would possibly sound acquainted to my fellow black women. So whereas I used to be making out with somebody, we began laughing. However on the identical time, I shortly circled, which despatched my braids flying into his mouth. That's once I felt a sharpish ache in the back of my head. I turned again round and—BAM!—I see one among my braids on the ground!

MTV Information / Through

“I assumed it will be enjoyable to shock my husband by carrying a kind of corsets which have tons of small hooks one the again. So I walked in entrance of him carrying the corset and a few lace panties and began performing a striptease. That's when my lengthy curly hair obtained all snarled within the hooks. I couldn't transfer! So As an alternative of getting sizzling intercourse, my husband and I as a substitute spent the whole evening fastidiously eradicating my hair from the hooks.”

“Considering honey could be a budget-friendly choice for meals play, we put some on my again. That's after we found that honey is definitely VERY troublesome to lick off fully. All of my waist-length hair obtained caught down there!
Angelica Pendleton

CW / Through

“Sooner or later throughout my senior yr of highschool, I went to my boyfriend's home to screw round. Later that evening, I sang the nationwide anthem for my college's Nationwide Honor Society induction…with jizz nonetheless in my hair.”

“My husband and I had some actually tough intercourse after we first began relationship. One time, it obtained so loopy that every one my mid back-length hair twisted up into an enormous horrible rats nest. It took hours to get out!”

NBC / Through

Observe: Submissions have been edited for size and/or readability.

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Taking Sex Out of the Darkness

“Therapeutic is a matter of time, however it’s generally additionally a matter of alternative.” – Hippocrates I spent 5 years writing a e-book about easy methods to make intercourse work in your life, however just about since its publication, virtually the entire conversations I’ve are concerning the intercourse that permeates our lives that doesn’t work. The unfolding revelations […]

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